Lyrics are crazy things. CRAZY.
Some songs have such SUPER lyrics, that you cannot BELIEVE it.
Others, have such TRASH, that you really feel like either laughing your ass off, or throwing the song in a nearby bin.
I'll give you a few examples of some really extra ordinary songs I heard, which were actually GOOD, but the lyrics… ahem ahem.
First place, I think, really deservingly, goes to Burn It Up by R.Kelly. WHAT A SONG IT IS! \m/ SUPER!
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhhhh"
~Yes. This constipated Oh-Oh-ing is a MAGNFICENT MUST in almost EVERY song. (If you want it to be a super hit that is)
Technically, it sounds like this mix of orgasmic pleasure and a general Boredom-signifier. I also reached a conclusion that it's used to fill in areas where it's IMPOSSIBLE to put words. Like say, here you wanted to put "I love you oh darling come sleep with me"- don't think it'd sound so good eh?
"Burn it up! Girl make it hot like the roof is on fire! Burn it up! Girl the way you dance you are my one desire! Come on So hot you're on fire (come on!)"
~So. The girl shakes her booty around the place helter-skelter, while the dude…. WATCHES. Isn't that enough? Oh yes it is.
"So hot you're on fire" is one heck of a metaphor. It's like OH MY GOD! WHAT YOU DOING! I guess. It turns guys on- so no problems there.
Another thing I noticed here is the use of "roof". Is this a double meaning? No one will ever know…
"When you roll it I can’t control it!
And when you throw it It’s hard to catch it!"
~Here, I guess assuming you're rolling dough and throwing cricket balls doesn't help. Be more imaginitive. I reached the conclusion, that he is imagining her rolling and throwing herself. Then, I had second thoughts, as my imagination got screwed up imagining that.
"And when you shake it I pray you don’t break it!
And when you drop it Girl I cannot take it!"
~This is the first time I noticed a rapper/singer CONCERNED about the chic he's talking about. He's afraid she'll break her pelvic bone trying to shake it to please him, and also, "Drop it" must signify another accident, which he cannot stand.
"Something about the way you move (hey!)
Sweat is dripping all over you (hey!)"
~Technically speaking, I found this pretty disgusting. No further comments.
"The way you let the beat take over you (hey!)
Baby don’t stop keep it going make it hot (hey)
The way you put your back in motion (mama)
Oh I love you the way you freakin’ it (mama)"
~Oh yo. This is another noticeable feature. Some guys are NEVER able to overcome their mothers. Somewhere somehow, they remember their moms. Nice and sweet.
"You got me comin' out of VIP (mama)
Cause you look like the girl in my dreams (mama)"
~VIP. Man always gives himself this self importance. Ah well, I guess singers are spared any controversy on THAT ground.
"I step up in the club first thing I see is you freakin’ it
Your eyes and body language tells me you want me to hit it!"
~Yeah. She sees this not-so-hot dude, who doesn't really deserve her attention. But then she sees the jackpot, the money he pays the bouncer to enter. Ooh lala. As soon as she sees the money, her ass starts shaking. And honestly tell me, if you entered through a door, and everyone on the other side is swaying sort of, and there's this ONE person who's shaking like a mad thing, wouldn't you look only at the shaker? Yes I thought so too.
"Well I say girl Back that thing up to me!
Closer (ohhhh)"
~Things are getting a little hectic for our singer-dude. He's sick and tired of playing around. GET IT OVER WITH DAMMIT!
"A little closer (work it) Come on and shake it on me now! (work it)
Come on and work it on me now (work it) Girl it's getting heated now! (work it)
It's time to put this club on fire now!"
~He's impatient now. Ok woman. You've seen me, you've seen my money, I've checked you out enough. Now "Work it"! Work for it! You have to EARN what I'm going to give you!
Then he says it's "getting heated" and "it's time to put this club on fire". Here I was thinking the roof is on fire already.
"Heyyyy
Calor, sudor
Bailando reggaeton
Calor, sudor
Sigue bailando y no pares
Calor sudor
Bailando reggaeton
Calor sudor
Pide más quiere más pégate y dale
[Wisin]
Siente mi fuego muchacha
Dale waracha
Temble que temble que pa que tiemble la cacha
Crystal y Don Perinon y se emborachan
Me encanta su facha
Le tiro y no se agacha
Rompe el suelo, marshmellow"
~I UNDERSTOOD THE LAST WORD THERE!!! MARSHMELLOW!!! YAY!
"El dúo de la historia con R Kelly en un duelo
Bello bello huello
Como la gata con mi reggaeton se suelta el pelo
W, R Kelly, Luny Tunes and Nelly
Yandel pon enfriar el Don Peri
Yo pongo las sacos y las hojas de blue berry
Esta to’ ready chula pa’ que se te suda la cherry
Luny Tunes!"
~Cherry!! LOONEY TUNES!!! Although, what are they doing here? O.o Yes you'd wonder. Isn't that a little far-fetched? Or maybe, it means something. *narrows eyes* Mysteries which shall never unfurl themselves.
Well, one thing is certain, our lyricists today are doing a wonder job.
Here in India that is, where most songs lyrics, are still make-outable. :D
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Aaj ka Gendaraj
This is a tale, long and untrue,
Who cares right? As long as its fundoo.
For one day will come when the people of this tale,
Will kill me or slaughter me, one and the same.
Once upon a time there lived,
Tichya, a roadside Ragamuffin,
She stole to fill her empty stomach,
About anything else, she didn’t give a fuck. (:P Poetic license!)
Once she stole a loaf of bread,
Dogs followed on her trail,
She tried to get away, but ran into them instead,
She got caught, miserably she failed.
"Aren't you ashamed of yourself girl?" said he,
The Baker was strict and stern.
"Being a girl, you do all this?" claimed he,
And she was left, merely out of concern.
"Bah!" said the stupid, stupid girl,
Ignoring the fact that it saved her,
"Being a boy would be super" said she with a smirk,
Decided to leave her feminine nature.
Off to Witch Tofu she trotted,
Singing along the way,
Tofu was an old friend of hers.
NO. SHE WASN'T GAY.
Tofu had hardened over the years,
She wasn't fair, she didn't care,
She played on Tichya's worst fears,
And asked her for her hair.
"No way!" pleaded Tichya dryly,
"There must be another way than HAIR?"
"No Tichi,there isn't!" she said slyly,
"Fine then take'em- I DON'T CARE!"
So when Tofu was done with her,
Tichya had a bob.
Tofu laughed her wicked laugh,
And watched Tichya sob. (?)
She took Tichya's hair alright,
But no change occurred,
Maybe Tichya was boy-like already,
Although that’s absurd.
Tichya set off on her own,
Troubled and in despair,
She sat down in a clearing all alone,
And clutched what was remaining of her hair.
Suddenly, a sound, of horses and men,
She spun around Bewildered,
She was just backing out of the clearing,
When she recognised the King's Herd!
"We have an arrest warrant from the King."
"huh what?" said the dumb girl,
"ARREST! DUMB GIRL QUIT YOUR ASKING!"
"What?" said the dull girl, and ran off in a whirl.
She ran as fast as her feet could carry'er,
From one forest clearing to another,
What would she do? No sword no armor,
Finally she found a dude looking at'er.
"Help me I'm being pursued!" said she,
In all her frantic desperado,
But he jumped, he swore and shot off,
To hell with all bravado!
At this she her temper lost,
What a pathetic coward he was!
She ran after, thinking that at any cost,
Into him she shall dig her claws. (?)
The King's men followed her into the trees,
Finally both Coward and Girl were surrounded,
She yelled and DUDE! Her voice carries,
The King's Men already felt blighted.
While the weird-ass coward stood and stared,
The girl picked up a stick,
Bashed up the men; TWO HOOTS SHE CARED!
And left them a li'l brainsick.
Now she turned to have her say,
With the Coward Weird-ass Nitwit,
"I so didn't want to come in your way!"
He said, as though that explained it.
His name Abbu Dheela Pyjama he said,
His work, nothing at all,
The King had also wanted him dead,
All coz they'd had a brawl.
Friends they became eventually,
More Out of Necessity.
For Abbu absolutely sucked at self defense,
He'd rather go to sleep.
One day a dude wandered into the trees,
Late evening, maybe night.
He was singing oh-so-miserably,
He so didn't sound alright.
Tichya-Abbu went to talk to him,
Console him a bit,
Seemed to choke with misery to the brim,
Story was sad- have to admit.
"Name's Lampat Hariprasad Laandya mate"
As if the name wasn't enough.
"I'm the Court Jester till date"
That job didn't sound very tough.
"I'm in love with the King's Daughter."
At this Abbu choked on his spittle.
"What was THAT for?" said Lampat, welling with anger,
And Abbu after that, spoke very little.
"maybe we can help you." Said Tichya thoughtfully,
"We're on the run from the King right now,
"Yeah" said Abbu blandly,
"We shall impress you with our know-how."
"So!" said Laandya happily,
"What's the P.O.A?"
"For now-sleep," said Abbu wearily,
And so they slept till day.
Laandya soon realised,
that both were useless nuts.
So he sat and devised,
His own master plan of sorts.
"Ok first you," he said to the girl,
"Get caught by the king."
"Why should I get caught?" said the stubborn girl,
"Make HIM do that sort of thing!"
So Abbu was made to wander,
Right into the King's trap.
They thought he was an aimless beggar,
So took him to the king ASAP!
Laandya and Tichya followed,
All they needed to know,
Is where the Daughter's room was,
And then they'd turn to go.
They went right into the Main Courtroom,
Laandya and Tichya close behind,
They soon saw the Man whom,
They had learnt was one of a kind.
There he stood on a three-legged stool,
A sword in his tiny hand,
Smart,cunning and very cruel,
The King of this mighty land.
Gendaraj his name, and it was feared,
As everyone seemed to claim,
Beneath that chubby face and non-existent beard,
Was a scary soul aflame.
The great man seemed to be busy,
With something really WEIRD,
He seemed to be knighting all and sundry,
Which Tichya thought very absurd.
So busy was he, he didn't bother,
To see his new guests there,
"Shee!" said Tichya, "he's such a pooper!"
And Laandya agreed with no interim time to spare.
Suddenly a Virudhavali, a sound,
And everyone turned to see best,
And there a pwetty-wee lass was found,
But she looked distressed.
"Baba mi bore zaliye!"
She said with great anguish,
"Mi ithe basun basun vaytaagliye!"
Her tone was a li'l freakish.
"No problem dear Rohini," said the King happily,
"Today a Prince will come."
"Oh no, not a PRINCE," cried Laandya worriedly,
"Now of me WHAT WILL BECOME!"
Tichya thought she had had enough,
Of all this tish-tosh crap.
She ran out in the centre in all of a puff,
And decided to open her trap.
"Oh King who no one respects,
Please listen to one of us here,
For a change listen to your subjects
And prevent him from crying one more tear!"
The King looked at the "little" girl,
And guffawed loud and clear,
"Haha look at her guts, her gall,
To speak to me with no fear!"
Tichya scowled her most awful scowl,
Decided to look for help around,
She looked for Abbu through the crowd,
He had fallen asleep against the background.
But what she said had had an effect,
For when she spun back front,
People were arguing here and there,
The King was facing the brunt.
"Yeah she's right, he never thinks of us!"
said an old courtier up there,
"you're wrong! He's always thought of us!"
said the newly appointed heir.
Soon there was a fist fight,
An awesome one at that,
Who knew it were to carry into the night,
And leave Gendaraj flat?
Gendaraj was a smart man,
A very smart man indeed.
He whistled on a magic flute,
And he had what he did need.
Tofu came floating through the window,
And towards Gendaraj she drifted.
"Yes Gendya?" she said with a bow,
And towards the melee he-a finger lifted.
"Very well" said Tofu with a yawn,
And sounded one of her spells,
Whatever it was, was very long,
Tichya knew that all wasn't well.
The spell whizzed past people there,
To the lone man left out of the drama,
Before anyone could even care,
It had hit Abbu Dheela Pyjama!
Abbu's hair turned grey, his beard long,
He got a fantastic ponytail! (MUAHAHAHAHA!!! XD)
He got wrinkles,his pyjama became a sarong,
He looked like an old female.
He looked around for the first time,
With a look of shock no one saw,
He for some reason shouted "Laandya!"
And everyone looked around in awe.
Laandya was gone! So was someone else!
Gendaraj was fuming!
"Damn, where has Rohini gone?"
Everyone was only assuming.
It went off like a bomb,
Laandya had run off with the Rajkumari!
Abbu laughed at the aplomb,
Chuckled,"She ran off in a SARI!!!!"
The dipute went on for days on end,
A lot of fighting ensued.
No one knew who won in the end,
Coz there was no side to choose.
For some however this is not an end,
Gendaraj was in disgrace,
He tried but couldn't make amends,
He didn’t know where to show his face.
Of Tofu you'd wonder what can you say,
Well, I'll tell you (giggles)
She fell for a courtier whose name starts with "A",
And he got her around the middle.
Laandya and Rohini ran far away,
And had a lot of fun.
To each other they had a lot to say,
Rohini was just glad she found someone.
Tichya grew back her "shaggy" strands,
But now some happiness she lacked,
She now had a geriatric problem on her hands,
As Abbu hadn't been changed back.
He enjoyed his life as an old man,
Much more than his younger self,
He now told Tichya how he USED TO DO this and that,
And thought that suited him well.
This is the end of the great tale,
Of a few people I know well.
Some I haven't added in here,
Coz they didn't want me to tell! :D
Who cares right? As long as its fundoo.
For one day will come when the people of this tale,
Will kill me or slaughter me, one and the same.
Once upon a time there lived,
Tichya, a roadside Ragamuffin,
She stole to fill her empty stomach,
About anything else, she didn’t give a fuck. (:P Poetic license!)
Once she stole a loaf of bread,
Dogs followed on her trail,
She tried to get away, but ran into them instead,
She got caught, miserably she failed.
"Aren't you ashamed of yourself girl?" said he,
The Baker was strict and stern.
"Being a girl, you do all this?" claimed he,
And she was left, merely out of concern.
"Bah!" said the stupid, stupid girl,
Ignoring the fact that it saved her,
"Being a boy would be super" said she with a smirk,
Decided to leave her feminine nature.
Off to Witch Tofu she trotted,
Singing along the way,
Tofu was an old friend of hers.
NO. SHE WASN'T GAY.
Tofu had hardened over the years,
She wasn't fair, she didn't care,
She played on Tichya's worst fears,
And asked her for her hair.
"No way!" pleaded Tichya dryly,
"There must be another way than HAIR?"
"No Tichi,there isn't!" she said slyly,
"Fine then take'em- I DON'T CARE!"
So when Tofu was done with her,
Tichya had a bob.
Tofu laughed her wicked laugh,
And watched Tichya sob. (?)
She took Tichya's hair alright,
But no change occurred,
Maybe Tichya was boy-like already,
Although that’s absurd.
Tichya set off on her own,
Troubled and in despair,
She sat down in a clearing all alone,
And clutched what was remaining of her hair.
Suddenly, a sound, of horses and men,
She spun around Bewildered,
She was just backing out of the clearing,
When she recognised the King's Herd!
"We have an arrest warrant from the King."
"huh what?" said the dumb girl,
"ARREST! DUMB GIRL QUIT YOUR ASKING!"
"What?" said the dull girl, and ran off in a whirl.
She ran as fast as her feet could carry'er,
From one forest clearing to another,
What would she do? No sword no armor,
Finally she found a dude looking at'er.
"Help me I'm being pursued!" said she,
In all her frantic desperado,
But he jumped, he swore and shot off,
To hell with all bravado!
At this she her temper lost,
What a pathetic coward he was!
She ran after, thinking that at any cost,
Into him she shall dig her claws. (?)
The King's men followed her into the trees,
Finally both Coward and Girl were surrounded,
She yelled and DUDE! Her voice carries,
The King's Men already felt blighted.
While the weird-ass coward stood and stared,
The girl picked up a stick,
Bashed up the men; TWO HOOTS SHE CARED!
And left them a li'l brainsick.
Now she turned to have her say,
With the Coward Weird-ass Nitwit,
"I so didn't want to come in your way!"
He said, as though that explained it.
His name Abbu Dheela Pyjama he said,
His work, nothing at all,
The King had also wanted him dead,
All coz they'd had a brawl.
Friends they became eventually,
More Out of Necessity.
For Abbu absolutely sucked at self defense,
He'd rather go to sleep.
One day a dude wandered into the trees,
Late evening, maybe night.
He was singing oh-so-miserably,
He so didn't sound alright.
Tichya-Abbu went to talk to him,
Console him a bit,
Seemed to choke with misery to the brim,
Story was sad- have to admit.
"Name's Lampat Hariprasad Laandya mate"
As if the name wasn't enough.
"I'm the Court Jester till date"
That job didn't sound very tough.
"I'm in love with the King's Daughter."
At this Abbu choked on his spittle.
"What was THAT for?" said Lampat, welling with anger,
And Abbu after that, spoke very little.
"maybe we can help you." Said Tichya thoughtfully,
"We're on the run from the King right now,
"Yeah" said Abbu blandly,
"We shall impress you with our know-how."
"So!" said Laandya happily,
"What's the P.O.A?"
"For now-sleep," said Abbu wearily,
And so they slept till day.
Laandya soon realised,
that both were useless nuts.
So he sat and devised,
His own master plan of sorts.
"Ok first you," he said to the girl,
"Get caught by the king."
"Why should I get caught?" said the stubborn girl,
"Make HIM do that sort of thing!"
So Abbu was made to wander,
Right into the King's trap.
They thought he was an aimless beggar,
So took him to the king ASAP!
Laandya and Tichya followed,
All they needed to know,
Is where the Daughter's room was,
And then they'd turn to go.
They went right into the Main Courtroom,
Laandya and Tichya close behind,
They soon saw the Man whom,
They had learnt was one of a kind.
There he stood on a three-legged stool,
A sword in his tiny hand,
Smart,cunning and very cruel,
The King of this mighty land.
Gendaraj his name, and it was feared,
As everyone seemed to claim,
Beneath that chubby face and non-existent beard,
Was a scary soul aflame.
The great man seemed to be busy,
With something really WEIRD,
He seemed to be knighting all and sundry,
Which Tichya thought very absurd.
So busy was he, he didn't bother,
To see his new guests there,
"Shee!" said Tichya, "he's such a pooper!"
And Laandya agreed with no interim time to spare.
Suddenly a Virudhavali, a sound,
And everyone turned to see best,
And there a pwetty-wee lass was found,
But she looked distressed.
"Baba mi bore zaliye!"
She said with great anguish,
"Mi ithe basun basun vaytaagliye!"
Her tone was a li'l freakish.
"No problem dear Rohini," said the King happily,
"Today a Prince will come."
"Oh no, not a PRINCE," cried Laandya worriedly,
"Now of me WHAT WILL BECOME!"
Tichya thought she had had enough,
Of all this tish-tosh crap.
She ran out in the centre in all of a puff,
And decided to open her trap.
"Oh King who no one respects,
Please listen to one of us here,
For a change listen to your subjects
And prevent him from crying one more tear!"
The King looked at the "little" girl,
And guffawed loud and clear,
"Haha look at her guts, her gall,
To speak to me with no fear!"
Tichya scowled her most awful scowl,
Decided to look for help around,
She looked for Abbu through the crowd,
He had fallen asleep against the background.
But what she said had had an effect,
For when she spun back front,
People were arguing here and there,
The King was facing the brunt.
"Yeah she's right, he never thinks of us!"
said an old courtier up there,
"you're wrong! He's always thought of us!"
said the newly appointed heir.
Soon there was a fist fight,
An awesome one at that,
Who knew it were to carry into the night,
And leave Gendaraj flat?
Gendaraj was a smart man,
A very smart man indeed.
He whistled on a magic flute,
And he had what he did need.
Tofu came floating through the window,
And towards Gendaraj she drifted.
"Yes Gendya?" she said with a bow,
And towards the melee he-a finger lifted.
"Very well" said Tofu with a yawn,
And sounded one of her spells,
Whatever it was, was very long,
Tichya knew that all wasn't well.
The spell whizzed past people there,
To the lone man left out of the drama,
Before anyone could even care,
It had hit Abbu Dheela Pyjama!
Abbu's hair turned grey, his beard long,
He got a fantastic ponytail! (MUAHAHAHAHA!!! XD)
He got wrinkles,his pyjama became a sarong,
He looked like an old female.
He looked around for the first time,
With a look of shock no one saw,
He for some reason shouted "Laandya!"
And everyone looked around in awe.
Laandya was gone! So was someone else!
Gendaraj was fuming!
"Damn, where has Rohini gone?"
Everyone was only assuming.
It went off like a bomb,
Laandya had run off with the Rajkumari!
Abbu laughed at the aplomb,
Chuckled,"She ran off in a SARI!!!!"
The dipute went on for days on end,
A lot of fighting ensued.
No one knew who won in the end,
Coz there was no side to choose.
For some however this is not an end,
Gendaraj was in disgrace,
He tried but couldn't make amends,
He didn’t know where to show his face.
Of Tofu you'd wonder what can you say,
Well, I'll tell you (giggles)
She fell for a courtier whose name starts with "A",
And he got her around the middle.
Laandya and Rohini ran far away,
And had a lot of fun.
To each other they had a lot to say,
Rohini was just glad she found someone.
Tichya grew back her "shaggy" strands,
But now some happiness she lacked,
She now had a geriatric problem on her hands,
As Abbu hadn't been changed back.
He enjoyed his life as an old man,
Much more than his younger self,
He now told Tichya how he USED TO DO this and that,
And thought that suited him well.
This is the end of the great tale,
Of a few people I know well.
Some I haven't added in here,
Coz they didn't want me to tell! :D
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Niceness Doesn't Always Pay
The funny thing about life is, no matter how hard you try to enjoy it, something somewhere messes up. I mean, you're enjoying the scenery, and there's always a certain someone who comes and stabs you in the back.
Like say, you’ve gotten yourself a perfect super score in an examination. You're so happy, and cannot WAIT to tell everyone. Then suddenly, one arse who's gotten less than you in that exam tells you "oh but you haven't got ninety in the boards have you? See that’s sad, they consider 50% of this and 50% of your board result…"
YES SCREW YOU LOSER! Bladdy killjoy. SORE loser that’s what you call such people.
I've met quite a few assholes like that abhi tak. Some of them do not even MEAN it.
But forgive these poor souls, who actually may not want to mean harm.
Let us talk about those who MEAN it. The people who you are NICE to, and they turn out to be PERFECT DISASTERS.
Like. Take for example. In 9th and 10th, we had a "wonderful" friend called Madhubhrata Ghosh.
By wonderful, I mean quite the opposite.
Honestly, we didn't exactly HATE the woman. We had a nice group (HAVE actually… but- whatever) She sat in front of me in ninth. And stuck to me like a LEECH.
Brunch? Madhu tags along. Lunch? Madhu tags along. Hockey? She'd tag along and watch. (WHO DOES THAT!) Rugby? She'd come and play (massive buffalo that she was) but would get hurt at the smallest instances. Then she would try to crack jokes. REALLY LAME JOKES. We'd laugh to not let her feel bad. Then we laughed feebly.
The laughing became feebler and feebler. We still tolerated her.
If there was ONE person who COULD DEFINITELY NOT tolerate Madhu, it was Tista Joseph.
Soon, Tista started being downright rude to the girl. Told her exactly what she (ok what ALL OF US) thought of her. Madhu started getting the pinch. Maybe she thought she couldn't tag along with us like this or whatever.
Well, we THOUGHT she got the point.
She realised that if there's four things the whole group was interested in, it was Manga, Anime, Cool manga-type Guys and Books. Aha. Trump card. This is where she thought she could score.
Is there a "The dummy book of Manga for dummies"?
Well, she bought it. She started talking about Inu Yasha. Books. Told us she was writing one. Soon, she was talking about Anime too. About Gundam and Hungry Heart. About Detective School Q and others. We spoke to her whenever, we weren't mean or ANYTHING.
Then she spoilt it. Akanksha and I were listening with rapt attention to this whole thing she was telling us. WHAT! It was SUPERBLY creative!
"See. Don't tell anyone ok?" Akanksha and I look at each other. "Ok." "I am part of a street fight club." Akanksha: "Oooo" *I nudge her hard* "Yeah. And we fight on the terrace. There's these two hot guys called Saurabh and Dean. I'm the head. We pick fights on each other and the opposing clubs. On the terrace we've developed this portable fight-place we call the Ring of Fire" *dramatic pause* Akanksha and I raise eyebrows at each other. I give an encouraging "oo". "Yeah and how do we know it's time to fight? We call each other like Wolves. AAOOOO!" akanksha: "BWAHAHAHA-*nudge*-oof. Continue." That's when Tista joined us. She listened to the rest with a lot of raising eyebrows and rolling of eyes. "Ok that's it Madhu. We're sick of you." Uh oh.
The next day, Madhu didn't come to school. Her sister delivered a letter to me. I still have it. It said:-
Dear Soumya,
I am not at all well today. My sinuses have filled up, and I have bladder-ache. It is with great difficulty I am telling you, that I can't come to school today. So I decided to send you this through my sister.
Lots of love and good wishes,
Madhu. :)
Tista: *reading over shoulder* Excellent! I can sit in front of you today. *rushes to get bag* Can you believe this? This is the same girl who street fights every night.
Madhu, from that day onward, took it for granted Tista was her arch enemy, and I was her best friend. Which is WEIRD. If you befriend me, you befriend Tista automatically. If you take Tista for your ENEMY, well, I can't be your friend long can I?
Madhu started getting that. She started yelling at me for taking her side. Etc etc. Even I started getting bored of her. My friends WHOLE HEARTEDLY blamed me for bringing her into the "inner circle". My apologies maties. Please. I didn't do no nothing.
"I knew she was like- old Scarlett for guys, but MADHU??" Bleh. -__-
The almost CLIMAX.
Madhu to Tista (through letter of course): You know? Till now I wished three people were dead. And they died within a month. This time, I'm wishing YOU die.
Tista guffaws. "Soumi!!! I'm gonna diiiieee!!!!" She wrote her Will that day. I think she gave me all her lingerie in it.
Well, when school ended, we didn't see much of her. No Madhu. I always called her on her birthday. It was all cool. She forgot mine. (who cares right?) She messaged me the next day- OMG I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY IM SO SORRRYYY!!! "It's ok madhu. Please. Chill." "HOW COULD I DO THIS?" Didn't reply. "DON’T STOP TALKING TO ME! PLEASE!" O.o AAAAHHHH!!!!!
Well, you can call me what you want. An evil daayan. A downright meanie, or whatever. This girl was a PAIN IN THE BUTT. Nothing else describes her better. We were nice to her at first were we not? Didn't we still take out time to talk to her? Bleh. Sometimes, even niceness doesn't help.
Or as Tista says- it NEVER helps.
Be straightforward. Maybe, we did make a mistake. Maybe we should have TOLD her right at first what we thought. But then, NICENESS??? People would have hated us for not being nice to her as well. :| Ah well. What goes around comes around…. Maybe Madhu will meet people like her too! ;)
Like say, you’ve gotten yourself a perfect super score in an examination. You're so happy, and cannot WAIT to tell everyone. Then suddenly, one arse who's gotten less than you in that exam tells you "oh but you haven't got ninety in the boards have you? See that’s sad, they consider 50% of this and 50% of your board result…"
YES SCREW YOU LOSER! Bladdy killjoy. SORE loser that’s what you call such people.
I've met quite a few assholes like that abhi tak. Some of them do not even MEAN it.
But forgive these poor souls, who actually may not want to mean harm.
Let us talk about those who MEAN it. The people who you are NICE to, and they turn out to be PERFECT DISASTERS.
Like. Take for example. In 9th and 10th, we had a "wonderful" friend called Madhubhrata Ghosh.
By wonderful, I mean quite the opposite.
Honestly, we didn't exactly HATE the woman. We had a nice group (HAVE actually… but- whatever) She sat in front of me in ninth. And stuck to me like a LEECH.
Brunch? Madhu tags along. Lunch? Madhu tags along. Hockey? She'd tag along and watch. (WHO DOES THAT!) Rugby? She'd come and play (massive buffalo that she was) but would get hurt at the smallest instances. Then she would try to crack jokes. REALLY LAME JOKES. We'd laugh to not let her feel bad. Then we laughed feebly.
The laughing became feebler and feebler. We still tolerated her.
If there was ONE person who COULD DEFINITELY NOT tolerate Madhu, it was Tista Joseph.
Soon, Tista started being downright rude to the girl. Told her exactly what she (ok what ALL OF US) thought of her. Madhu started getting the pinch. Maybe she thought she couldn't tag along with us like this or whatever.
Well, we THOUGHT she got the point.
She realised that if there's four things the whole group was interested in, it was Manga, Anime, Cool manga-type Guys and Books. Aha. Trump card. This is where she thought she could score.
Is there a "The dummy book of Manga for dummies"?
Well, she bought it. She started talking about Inu Yasha. Books. Told us she was writing one. Soon, she was talking about Anime too. About Gundam and Hungry Heart. About Detective School Q and others. We spoke to her whenever, we weren't mean or ANYTHING.
Then she spoilt it. Akanksha and I were listening with rapt attention to this whole thing she was telling us. WHAT! It was SUPERBLY creative!
"See. Don't tell anyone ok?" Akanksha and I look at each other. "Ok." "I am part of a street fight club." Akanksha: "Oooo" *I nudge her hard* "Yeah. And we fight on the terrace. There's these two hot guys called Saurabh and Dean. I'm the head. We pick fights on each other and the opposing clubs. On the terrace we've developed this portable fight-place we call the Ring of Fire" *dramatic pause* Akanksha and I raise eyebrows at each other. I give an encouraging "oo". "Yeah and how do we know it's time to fight? We call each other like Wolves. AAOOOO!" akanksha: "BWAHAHAHA-*nudge*-oof. Continue." That's when Tista joined us. She listened to the rest with a lot of raising eyebrows and rolling of eyes. "Ok that's it Madhu. We're sick of you." Uh oh.
The next day, Madhu didn't come to school. Her sister delivered a letter to me. I still have it. It said:-
Dear Soumya,
I am not at all well today. My sinuses have filled up, and I have bladder-ache. It is with great difficulty I am telling you, that I can't come to school today. So I decided to send you this through my sister.
Lots of love and good wishes,
Madhu. :)
Tista: *reading over shoulder* Excellent! I can sit in front of you today. *rushes to get bag* Can you believe this? This is the same girl who street fights every night.
Madhu, from that day onward, took it for granted Tista was her arch enemy, and I was her best friend. Which is WEIRD. If you befriend me, you befriend Tista automatically. If you take Tista for your ENEMY, well, I can't be your friend long can I?
Madhu started getting that. She started yelling at me for taking her side. Etc etc. Even I started getting bored of her. My friends WHOLE HEARTEDLY blamed me for bringing her into the "inner circle". My apologies maties. Please. I didn't do no nothing.
"I knew she was like- old Scarlett for guys, but MADHU??" Bleh. -__-
The almost CLIMAX.
Madhu to Tista (through letter of course): You know? Till now I wished three people were dead. And they died within a month. This time, I'm wishing YOU die.
Tista guffaws. "Soumi!!! I'm gonna diiiieee!!!!" She wrote her Will that day. I think she gave me all her lingerie in it.
Well, when school ended, we didn't see much of her. No Madhu. I always called her on her birthday. It was all cool. She forgot mine. (who cares right?) She messaged me the next day- OMG I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY IM SO SORRRYYY!!! "It's ok madhu. Please. Chill." "HOW COULD I DO THIS?" Didn't reply. "DON’T STOP TALKING TO ME! PLEASE!" O.o AAAAHHHH!!!!!
Well, you can call me what you want. An evil daayan. A downright meanie, or whatever. This girl was a PAIN IN THE BUTT. Nothing else describes her better. We were nice to her at first were we not? Didn't we still take out time to talk to her? Bleh. Sometimes, even niceness doesn't help.
Or as Tista says- it NEVER helps.
Be straightforward. Maybe, we did make a mistake. Maybe we should have TOLD her right at first what we thought. But then, NICENESS??? People would have hated us for not being nice to her as well. :| Ah well. What goes around comes around…. Maybe Madhu will meet people like her too! ;)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Just a Hair's Breadth...
Pathetic. That’s what I call this freak ass system. And so annoying as well. Who made these bloody rules huh? No one knows. They’ve been coming down from time immemorial. Hmph. Yuck. That’s what I think of them.
See, take for example what happened with me. First hand experience. I think, during my twelfth boards or something, for a long long time, I had to study naturally, so I really couldn’t visit a parlour? Well duh I couldn’t. So this particular Aunty comes home. I don’t really mind aunties coming home actually, as long as they talk to mom, and keep me WAY out of conversations. So coming back to this particular aunty, she was one of the worst types. Never minds her own business, always thinks everyone is alive to just listen to her advice.
Well, as soon as I walked into the living room (mind you to collect something, I wouldn’t even havebothered otherwise) she looks at me and says, "Girls nowadays are such hairy baboons." Stop. Double take. WHAT!!!!???
I swear I was going to THROW something at the woman.
As I was leaving, I heard her blabbering some blah-shit about some parlour.
MY GOD. So girls are now judged by how much hair they have on their hands. Or maybe their shins? I ask you. This is SO stupid. And you feel ultra silly when you go to the parlour too.
At the Parlour.
Its not YOU telling THEM what YOU want. Its always THEM telling YOU what you SHOULD get done.
One of them will ask- Eyebrows karneka?
NAHI.
Then they screw up their noses and make faces at your eyebrows.
WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM IF I WANT TO GROW A JUNGLE OVER MY EYES DAMMIT? Jeez.
Then the next; Full arms? Underarms? Full legs? Half legs? And you feel SUPER STUPID answering these questions. Then when they actually get down to business- BIKINI WAX?
OH HAAN HAAN! SAARE BAAL UKHAAD DO!YEHI BACHA KARNEKO! EK BHI BAAL BACHA- ZINDA NAHI CHODUNGI! THODA WAX MERI TAKKAL PE BHI LAGAO! CHIKNA BANAO!
Then they’ll go into convulsions about how hair removal creams, eraser laser method, all is harmful to the skin. YEAH SURE. WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, IS DEFINITELY NOT HARMING MY SKIN. I MEAN, IN A FEW YEARS TIME, I'M AFRAID MY SKIN WILL SAG!
Ahem.
I'd like to conclude by saying that people invented easier and super ways for everything. Evidently. They have missed out on a few things.
See, take for example what happened with me. First hand experience. I think, during my twelfth boards or something, for a long long time, I had to study naturally, so I really couldn’t visit a parlour? Well duh I couldn’t. So this particular Aunty comes home. I don’t really mind aunties coming home actually, as long as they talk to mom, and keep me WAY out of conversations. So coming back to this particular aunty, she was one of the worst types. Never minds her own business, always thinks everyone is alive to just listen to her advice.
Well, as soon as I walked into the living room (mind you to collect something, I wouldn’t even havebothered otherwise) she looks at me and says, "Girls nowadays are such hairy baboons." Stop. Double take. WHAT!!!!???
I swear I was going to THROW something at the woman.
As I was leaving, I heard her blabbering some blah-shit about some parlour.
MY GOD. So girls are now judged by how much hair they have on their hands. Or maybe their shins? I ask you. This is SO stupid. And you feel ultra silly when you go to the parlour too.
At the Parlour.
Its not YOU telling THEM what YOU want. Its always THEM telling YOU what you SHOULD get done.
One of them will ask- Eyebrows karneka?
NAHI.
Then they screw up their noses and make faces at your eyebrows.
WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM IF I WANT TO GROW A JUNGLE OVER MY EYES DAMMIT? Jeez.
Then the next; Full arms? Underarms? Full legs? Half legs? And you feel SUPER STUPID answering these questions. Then when they actually get down to business- BIKINI WAX?
OH HAAN HAAN! SAARE BAAL UKHAAD DO!YEHI BACHA KARNEKO! EK BHI BAAL BACHA- ZINDA NAHI CHODUNGI! THODA WAX MERI TAKKAL PE BHI LAGAO! CHIKNA BANAO!
Then they’ll go into convulsions about how hair removal creams, eraser laser method, all is harmful to the skin. YEAH SURE. WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, IS DEFINITELY NOT HARMING MY SKIN. I MEAN, IN A FEW YEARS TIME, I'M AFRAID MY SKIN WILL SAG!
Ahem.
I'd like to conclude by saying that people invented easier and super ways for everything. Evidently. They have missed out on a few things.
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